TO HAVE OR NOT TO HAVE A VALENTINE...

“People in love are out dating and singles are updating” read one status in my facebook homepage that caught my eye and made me smile in agreement.

Oh the mighty Valentine’s day sure does bring about a wave of heavy emotions, doesn’t it? – couples enjoy a heightened love for each other and singles- lets be honest here- a lot of them if not all, ends up resenting the day for the sheer fact that they will have to be on the receiving end of mushy couples shoving their valentine’s celebrations all over their face.

I made my first Valentine’s card when I was 12 and gave it to my mother. Because that is all I knew about Valentine’s then – that it was a celebration of love and that we celebrate it with people we love. And god knows how my mom was the single most important person in my life then- of course she still is and forever will be.

So there we were, sitting in the familiar Nanglo Chinese room of Durbarmarg. We  decided to wrap up our Valentine’s celebration with a quiet dinner and the place and the food seemed like it was tailored to our tastes.

And there they were; three couples lined up in three tables right in front of us. “Hey that girl is so smitten with the guy” I signaled with my eyes to a couple sitting in the middle of the 3 adjacent tables. “She hasn’t stopped smiling when talking to that guy”.

“I know” smiled my boyfriend. But at least, the girl seemed to have been enjoying her date. The two other couples, however, were a sad story to watch.

The guy takes out his cell phone and starts playing games and the girl – arms folded, fondles her hair, fidgets with her bag and is looking down, to the left, to the right and everywhere else but her boyfriend and a similar episode was going on in the other table too– only there, it was the girl who was toying away with her cell phone.

And I couldn’t help but wonder, why are these couples even together?  – out on a day of love with clearly no- lets not say love, perhaps they do love each other, but clearly no passion for each other at all.

I recently read a line somewhere in the Internet that read, “ Unless it is mad, passionate, extraordinary love. It is a waste of time. There are too many mediocre things in life. LOVE shouldn’t be one.” And I couldn’t agree more.

That, of course, doesn’t mean, that you give in to brazen public display affection everywhere you go to celebrate your passionate love. Of course not!  Especially not in our country, Nepal police can actually have you jailed for it, you know.

But you should be comfortable in the presence of each other. Enjoy each other’s company, have fun conversations, be able to share your deepest secrets and stories, make each other feel loved and be each other’s best friend – because if you don’t have these, then why are you even hanging out with the person?

 But who am I to speak for anyone? Sometimes, a relationship between a couple has so much more going on than the outside eyes can see. The most perfect seeming relationship may be marred in reality, the most odd looking relationships may be the most smooth sailing. Every relationship has their own unique nature and its useless – I am especially trying to put this into the heads of GIRLS- that its pointless to compare your relationship with another one, because every couple-dynamics is different from the other and has their own strengths and weaknesses. And as long as the dynamics is working well for the two people involved in a relationship, we should safely keep our butts out of their business, right?

   

That said, though, I believe, I strongly do, that most broken relationships still sail a long haul of togetherness simply because people are most times than not, too scared to get out of their comfort zone.

Like the girl who is treated badly, verbally and physically abused by her boyfriend and yet she sticks on to him. Does’nt she know that the relationship is bad for her? Sure she does. But it takes one crocodile tear from the guy asking for a fake forgiveness and she happily gives it to him only for the episode to occur again and again.

And there are those couples who start off on great note but with time outgrow each other. They’re constantly quarrelling, making nasty remarks to each other or in some cases just completely stop talking to each other because they have nothing left to talk about anymore – but , they stick on, they’re still together.

You know, whoever said that “the real life starts outside our comfort zone” said it precisely right. I did mention that one must be comfortable with their partners above all, for a beautiful relationship to flourish. But being too comfortable could be dangerous too. Because people caught up in a rut of a relationship, do exactly that. They’re so comfortable in their bubble - no matter how hideous it may be, that they continue to hang to the last ruins of their failed relationships.

And I think that is what those couples I saw there at the restaurant were doing too. It didn’t look like they were on their first dates- going by the curiosity-lacking, conversation less, boring evening they spent – it would, bode well for the both of them to make that date their last one though.

Because everybody deserves a shot at a happy, fulfilling relationship. And the universe will do everything to bring them exactly that too; all they have to do is give themselves a chance.

But that is the thing about love- two lives cannot move on smoothly simply on the basis of love, they have to like each other too. Because if you love your partner but cannot bring yourself to like them like you once used to- that’s a sign that its time to let go.

 When things aren’t working, be brave to accept that it is indeed not working. Acknowledge the fact that many people outgrow their partners and you did too. And there is no need to feel guilty to end something that wasn’t making you happy. Know in your heart that you, along with every last human being in this planet, is meant to have a happy relationship- and if you do not find happiness in your partnership, trust that you will find it somewhere else.

Because you know what they say, “Its better to be single and happy than be in a relationship and be unhappy.”

Its nice to be in love, its more important to be in love with the right person. And until you find your right match, there is one person in this universe that deserves your complete and unwavering pampering, attention and love- and that’s you. Work to become one emotionally happy, healthy and a whole individual to attract a healthy relationship because it’s the rule of the universe to send you exactly the kind of person you are.

Lucky are those who find their perfect fit on the first go but having failed relationships isn’t a bad thing either. If you just take notice, each relationship will have something to teach you; hearts you love will break you and go to help you become stronger, cheating souls leave you shattered but teach you to outgrow your gullible nature. You fight, you cry, you assert, you decide and you eventually stand up for yourself , you become your own hero, you rescue yourself- that is what failed relationships do to you , it makes you wise, it make you better.

And its always good manners, to bid people with a proper good bye, especially those people who have once been so close to you.  While you may not quite bring yourself to be their best friends, there is no harm in continuing to be kind to each other, as opposed to those broken up couples who choose to become each other’s arch enemy for life.

Personally, I see relationships as something that will help me grow as an individual and bring out the best in me. Relationship should teach me how to selflessly love another person and make me happy, and him too.

I don’t know why I’m penning down all this when really, I just came to my blog today to update my pictures of how I celebrated my Valentine’s day. But oh well, it had been quite sometime since I last poured out my heart like this and so I am allowing it to set free.

Also, I guess, the sad two couples in front of me that day prompted me to put up this blog, imagining how many couples out there celebrated Valentine’s day merely because they didn’t want to be lonely.    

The anti-valentine’s movement and statuses like “thankyou valentine’s day for reminding me that I am single” in facebook, may have further motivated me to write whatever I am writing.

And I am glad I did. As I mentioned it earlier I want people to understand that, “ To be in love or not to be in love is not important. What is important is to find the right person to be in love with.”

And as long as it takes time to find that person, learn to be your own valentine. Come on, you owe it to yourself!

As for what I did for my Valentine's day here is an awesome tip that I want to share. I wanted to make a heart shaped chocolate cake from scratch for my boyfriend but sadly didnt find any heart-shaped baking tray anywhere so this is what I did. 

I baked two cakes : one round shaped and the other a square one

Then I cut the round cake in half and started attaching the either halves onto the square one to make a heart shape

I also sliced the cakes to spread the chocolate frosting. At this point your cake kinda starts looking like a goat's head :P 

Then you add the final slice and voila you have yourself a heart-shaped cake. Also you have to trim the extra sides to make it perfect. 

Then you slather the rest of the frosting all over your cake

And finally write a sweet valentine's message and give it to your special person <3 You can also use this technique for other special occasions such as birthdays or anniversaries. You will have plenty of recipes out there in the internet so go bake a cake for your loved one and have fun. 

Well finally, I hope you all had a wonderful Feb 14^th too. Wishing you all a life full of joy, love and happiness, this is a goodbye. I will see you in my next blog update.  Thankyou for reading :)